As though you needed any further incentive…

This news has been all over the internet the past two days, so you may have already heard about it by now. But when I saw Jackass 3D at a special screening at The Museum of Modern Art (Yes, MoMa held a screening of Jackass 3D. No, I don’t understand how that happened, either.) this past Monday night, it was a complete surprise.

So — spoiler alert!!! — the movie opens with a quick animated intro from Beavis and Butt-Head! Yes, the intro is in 3D, too — in fact, the intro is the dynamic duo basically explaining 3D, in their own unique way, of course. (I don’t wanna give too much away, but needless to say, someone gets hurt.)

And in case you’re worried that because they’re in 3D, B&B have been turned into CG monstrosities in the vein of the Chipmunks movie or whatever… well, don’t. They’re still their good old-fashioned hand-drawn selves. Now they just seem that much stupider.

Jackass 3D opens tomorrow, and is a lot of fun, except that they needed to utilize the 3D a little more — I think there’s only two or three times when various bodily fluids come flying at the audience. Everyone’s favorite animated metal fans should make their full-time return to television next year.

-AR

MetalSucks Maniac Tim Young e-mailed us over the weekend to suggest we spend some time talking about CKY. With all due respect to Tim (and not at all speaking for Vince, with whom I have not conferred on the subject), the reason I’ve never written about CKY is because I once had the displeasure of sitting through a CKY set, and I’d place the experience somewhere in between the time my dentist forgot to give me novocaine before he started drilling and the time I was thirteen and my old man found my cigarettes and went all Homer Simpson on me. Seriously. Not only did the music suck, but the band members were, by all appearances, total tool bags – especially the bass player, who kept making the kinds of “monster faces” one usually makes to get a giggle out of a little kid, lip synching along with the lyrics all the while.

ANYWAY, here’s CKY’s video for “96 Quite Bitter Beings.” It was directed to Bam Margera, who, if this clip is any indication, should probably stick to shoving things up his ass and whacking himself in the nuts for our viewing pleasure.

-AR

You know him as the lovable fatso Bam Margera loved to unsuspectingly wail on in the hit shows Jackass and Viva La Bam. But apparently Bam’s uncle Vincent Margera, aka Don Vito, is the one doling out the beatings these days — according to Yahoo News, a Colorado court convicted Margera on two counts of sexual assault on a child.

According to the report, Vincent Margera, 51, who was accused of groping three girls ages 12 to 14 during an autograph signing event last year at a mall skate park in the Denver suburb of Lakewood, fell to the floor cursing and yelled, “Just kill me now.”

He was acquitted of a third count of sex assault on a child. He faces a sentence of probation to six years in prison on each conviction. If he doesn’t comply with sex offender treatment as part of the sentence, he could potentially spend life in prison, district attorney’s spokeswoman Pam Russell said.

No details were released on what Margera actually did to the girls. But 12 to 14 year olds? Jeez dude, you couldn’t do any better with your TV fame?

-VN